Monday 22 August 2016

My proof Diablo 4 is being announced at BlizzCon

I have 7 pieces of proof for you.

1) Reaper of Souls was released in 2014. It's been 2 years. Diablo 3 itself was released in 2012. Both were two year intervals, so let's add up this nonsense information and we get 4. Clearly there will be another major Diablo release this year.

2) So, in 2004, I started playing World of Warcraft, which as we know, is becoming more and more like Diablo as of late. 2016 - 2004 = 12 / 3 diablo games = 4. More Diablo. Diablo 4. It fits, like when I try to take my wizard without any gear into Torment 13 and run behind everyone trying to get the fast XP but die like a filthy casual.

3) But wait, there's more! Diablo 1 was released in 1996. 2016 - 1996 = 20. There will be 6 expansions released for WoW by the end of this month. 20 / 6 = 3.333~. If you take a random number, say, 0.7, 20 / 6 + 0.7 = 4. This is probably the best proof because random numbers along with fabulous information are always correct but there is more if you aren't convinced yet. (I couldn't make this work, as I pulled this proof out of my ass, so I had to chose a very specific random number, hence 0.7.)

4) Blizzard has 4 major triple-A games out right now: Diablo 3, Starcraft II, Overwatch and WoW. I really don't know where I'm going with this but it's another 4 so fuck you, Diablo 4. There's three more.

5) In 11 days from now, BlizzCon will be in 64 days. Remember the 16 from earlier? That's right, I'm going to divide. Also, your processor has precisely 64 bits. 64 is a magic number. 64 / 16 = 4. Diablo 4. Just two more. I'm getting good at this.

6) There is no 6. That's the number of the beast. You would know this if you played Diablo instead of trolling the forums.

7) I've picked up 4 legendary staves on my wizard that have fucking strength instead of int. We won't speak of this ever again.

8) Bonus. 8 / 2 = 4. Why? Fuck you, that's why.

And finally, let's link it all together. If you take all the proof I have above, 6, and divide it by the real number of proofs I have minus 2 because Diablo 2 was our favorite, 6, you get 1. Then, take the latest Diablo 2 patch number, 1.14, multiply it by 100 (mostly because I don't like decimals), 114, add those two together, 115, subtract a random number like 3, 112, then divide by all the crack people are smoking in hopes to actually have a new major Diablo announcement since RoS was released, a number which is precisely 28, you get 4.

DIABLO 4 GUYS! (Also, Half-Life 3 will be announced at BlizzCon and then delayed another 10 years.)

(Or maybe people should stop putting words in Blizzard's mouth and calm down about BlizzCon.)


Oh shit, my first gold. Thank you!

[Edit 2]

9) If you take Starcraft 2 - Overwatch 1 and multiply it by four oh holy SHIT IT'S ANOTHER FOUR!!!!!!111!1!1!11!4!!1!